And personally, I like the long posts. I always read them through, even if I don’t comment often..

My comments to this ’survey’ were simple: Adam says to Jane “I’m pregnant Jane!”. Jane says to Adam “I know Adam, I gave you an IVF last month”. Naturally, unable to post this as was only given options as to whether the female Jane was to produce issue or not. No wonder BT prices have gone up, unlike Adam in Jane…

well that’s not true, I would got store security to hold him while I kicked the shit outta him

And I hope you got some replacement Battenburg ..

The ifs, shoulddas, woulddas, coulddas, are only natural to someone who took the time, for all the other rubber neckers it’d've been a nice story to pass on over a beer, but you took the time – that was what was important.

A friend of mine once got beaten up by a bloke who was slapping his missus about in the street a few years back – by the bloke and his wife, so it could’ve been worse, big love big guy, have a battenburg on me anytime!

peace out

And well … if you manage to make a website fall-over just by typing your name, perhaps you’re better off not entering your details into a site that is obviously gonna get screwed over by SQL-injection. You’re your own safety-checker!

And then there are the websites that totally forget about mysql_real_escape_string or anything similar, and fall over totally when I put my name in!

“Ein nut jobben”

no Schindler we’re not going shopping today, put the pen and paper down

This was surpassed only by making a complete arse of myself a few weeks later during my only away dart match. The hosting pub sold wifebeater and after joking that my wife was well over 90 miles away downed at least two pints of said toxicant and proceeded to play a game of ‘arrows’ (how hard can it be, throw dart, hit board, repeat until bowled or caught out?).

On reflection I can state unequivocably that Stella Artois is not a performance enhancing substance, save that it has served to widen my understanding of what is considered \’bad form\’ in darts circles, apparently the following is:
1. giggling and gesticulating to ones team mates when an ‘arra’ fails to even reach the wall, let alone the board.
2. as above but when it actually hits the board.
3. asking the score keeper (usually a member of the opposite team) which number to go for next
4. Offering to buy a round and then finding you’ve no money and are in such a back water that plastic payment is the devils work (ok it is but thats another story) just as the last of 15 pints have been poured

As for the joys of being a captive customer, it has its perks….again…ish. I often found myself on the winning team of the weekly pub quiz and given free beer and occasional lock in, not bad recompense for paying £40 a night 3 nights a week beer and board on top….

Aaah sozzled days.

PS love the spam bot reminder

I don’t think the test should be simple multiple choice. We could also ponder taking people who attempt it and fail and breaking them for parts, but I digress… The other day, whilst discussing this very problem we came up with the following solution: Politicians are drawn by lottery, much like Jury members and must serve for a fixed term. This was the first solution proposed, however obvious flaws arose in the form of large portions of the populace being far too thick or unpleasant to rule. Thus, the genius part 2 of The Plan came into being: All potential candidates must be vetted by the Queen.

We can see no flaws with this system.

Faithfully,

Colonel James Fatbury-Smyth OBE (Rtd)
c/o The end of the bar,
The Old Mare,
Groggsville,
Hants.