I’ve had complaints that my blog posts are long and waffling, and no-one can be arsed has the time to read them.

So, choosing to believe that my friends are all super-busy hard-workers (rather than just big kids with attention-deficit issues) I hereby present you with a fun-sized posting; engineered for the if-it-doesnt-fit-on-my-iPhone-screen-I’m-not-reading-it generation.

I was sat in the park this lunchtime, with my sarnie. On the next bench over from me are two middled-aged builders, also eating their lunch. One finishes his sandwich, and proceeds to pull out a tin of pineapple, open it, and eat the contents with a fork. It is quite a big tin.

I then hear this exchange:

Smith: “You eating pineapple?”

Jones: “Yup.”

Smith: “Quite a lot, though eh? That’s a big tin! Fancied a change?”

Jones: “Don’t really like it, to be honest. But apparently it’s … useful …”

Smith: “Eh?”

Jones: “Well, it’s my wife’s birthday. So I thought I’d make an effort … for tonight.”

(There is a brief, thoughtful silence. Smith watches Jones continue to fork-it-in.)

Smith: “Romantic f__ker, aren’t you?”

If you don’t understand it, I’m not explaining it to you.