Yaaay! Soon be Christmas! Do you know how I know? Could it be because I have just enough intelligence to look at a calendar? Why no, that had never occurred to me!
I know it’s Christmas because of … adverts!
You know those! We distrust them the rest of the year, but from the period from November to January they are the Bringers of Joy! They want to do nothing more but make us all feel festive and cheery! Isn’t that kind of them? It’s not like they have any ulterior motive, or anything.
And not only do I see Christmassy adverts – I also see normally sane friends on Facebook jumping with delight because … they’ve seen the John Lewis ad! Wow! They tune in specially to watch the adverts! It’s like a red-carpet Leicester Square opening night! And now they’re obsessed with how cute and cuddly wuddly the rabbit and bear are, and wondering what will happen next, and don’t consider for one moment that perhaps they’re being emotionally manipulated into buying more shit they don’t need!
It seems for many of my friends, the herald of Christmas is not the weather turning chilly, or lights going up in the city centre, or receiving the first Christmas card, or arranging the visit to family – for them, Christmas is heralded by this:
It’s a big, glowing truck – driven by a 3 billion dollar marketing budget.
Well, while you’re getting a big case of the warm-and-fuzzies as you ponder whether the true meaning of Christmas is really Diabetes in an attractive can, have a read of these:
I found all these in less than a minute, just by typing “Coca-Cola crimes against humanity” into Google.
If it makes you feel any better: so far, I have not discovered any news articles about John Lewis security forces torturing and raping family members of union leaders. So feel free to go Christmas-nuts about two bloody animated animals guilting you into emptying your savings account to buy granny a bottle of smelly water.