Programmers and toilet humour

This programming tool has a universal interface, a comprehensive level-two cache, and manually-controlled buffer.

This programming tool has a universal interface, comprehensive level-two cache, and manually-controlled buffer.

It had been quite a good lunch on that particular Friday – we each had a bowl of cheese and chips at the local cramped shithole “quaint and homely hostelry”, washed down with a pint of expensive and suspicious-looking pop locally-brewed ale.

We return to work – not pissed, but probably not at our most productive either. Actually, I’m not a drinker so I’d only had a Diet Coke – but can’t-be-arsed is quite a contagious condition amongst office workers and so I was no better than the rest.

Upon our return, one of our number heads discretely for The Porcelain Throneroom. No-one says anything, but after what we have just watched him put away we know he has a Date With Charmin. And he’s a veggie, so we all make a mental note that when he returns, we’ll leave it a few minutes.

While he is absent, someone wanders over to us, looking for him. He is wanted on something work-related. Where is he, and what is he doing?

We have already been chastised in the past for being too coarse; apparently our office contains ladies, and people of a nervous disposition. Our visitor may fit into at least one of those categories.

Furtive glances are exchanged. How best to describe our absentee’s mission without making anyone faint? We resort to programmer-metaphor. If you can imagine a Venn-diagram depicting a group called “programmers” and another called “people who like toilet humour” – this blog entry is for those who reside firmly in the intersection.

So … suitable metaphors we managed to think of:

  • Going for a core-dump
  • Downloading
  • Debugging
  • Flushing his buffers
  • Dealing with a floating pointer
  • Popping one off the stack
  • Defragmenting
  • Purging the temporary files
  • Spawning a new thread
  • Rotating the log files
  • Filling-out a bug report
  • Packet investigation

And the response from our visitor-of-a-nervous-disposition?

“Gone for a shit, has he?”

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posted in Work by Oddbloke

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