Being an idiot

This is Bob. He loves the new facilities.

This is Bob. He loves the new facilities.

It took about eight months between us booking the builder, and him actually turning up. We booked him somewhere around April … but our new front-drive, carport and gates were not actually installed until Christmas Eve.

I wasn’t all that bothered – he’s good, reasonably priced and the most honest of all the builders we’ve used over the years; and if you have ever tried to find such a beast you’ll understand that he’s very rare and very busy. About the only down side is that we let the front of the house turn into a bit of a mess in that time … and then our house got snapped by a Google Streetview car around November. Hopefully, when we come to sell up, potential buyers won’t use Google Streetview to get a shufty of the area.

So the front garden has been dug out and replaced with your standard block-paving – mostly so that my wife’s gaggle of family-people-carrier-driving girly mates have somewhere to park when they come round. But also so that I don’t have to mow the damn thing.

The only real problem was a tree near the front of the garden, about a foot away from the pavement. If we’d asked the builder to rip it up with his digger, the roots would probably have brought quite a bit of the pavement up with it. So: we take the lazy way out and make a “feature” – we saw it down to the stump, and put ornamental gravel around it. My wife (being a keen gardener and fan of Monty Don) is happy to put plants in pots around the area. We laid the membrane and the gravel just this week.

Perhaps I should have heeded the warning when one of our own cats came and crapped in the gravel while we were still laying it. But no. Being the simple idiot that I am, I swiped at her with the rake, and assumed she would get the message and pass it on to the other cats in the neighbourhood.

On examining the area this morning I discover … we have just installed the largest and most luxurious kitty litter tray in the whole of Derby. As a “feature” in our own front garden. With a foot-high tree trunk in the middle of it which (apparently) just screams “scratching post”.

CatShitIf anyone wants me, I’ll be out shopping for an air-rifle that I can use from the comfort of my sitting room. Though the geek in me has this idea about mounting it onto a motorised base with a video camera, controlled by a computer running some shape recognition software. God help any child walking past my house with a “Hello Kitty” T-shirt on.

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posted in Diary, Family by Oddbloke

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