Supporting a worthy cause

I am acutely aware that many subscribers of this blog know me personally. They know that I would far rather enjoy a laugh and a joke more than discuss any serious issues. This blog was set up as way of practising my creative writing; it was never intended for any kind of political soapbox or charity fundraiser.

But sometimes, I feel so strongly about something that I cannot just sit by.

It isn’t easy for me to bring this to you – to tell you about suffering and abuse, and perhaps convince you to donate some of your hard-earned money. I can’t apologise, though: it is better for you to know than to live in blissful ignorance.

The cold, hard truth of the matter is this: right now – at this very moment – thousands of vulnerable people are watching “Friends”.

Just think about that for a moment. Thousands. Some are elderly or infirm, lacking the mental power to find the remote and switch over to “Diagnosis Murder”. Some are children, not knowing any better and forced to watch by their misguided parents. And some are computer programmers working on a TV-related product; enduring episode after episode because they’re testing the “record-entire-series” function and if there’s one thing you can be damn sure of, it’s that you’re never more than five minutes away from another bloody episode.

Bad parenting in action. It would be kinder to show them where you hide the rat poison, or let them play with the blender.

And lets not forget those who are not themselves addicted, but suffer as a result of a family member who is. Even now, children all over the world are going hungry because mummy is watching “The One with Phoebe’s Uterus” yet again.

That’s why the Stamp Out “Friends” Association exists. I am proud to be a patron. It is only a small charity, but it is a worthy cause and deserves your support.

This is Geoffrey Stevenson. Geoff used to be Professor of Neuroscience at Cambridge, until a naive friend lent him a boxset of Friends VHS tapes in a "presentation" imitation suitcase. He is now an invalid, incapable of any higher brain function and cared for by his family. But with the help of SOFA, Geoff may one day be able to lead a productive life. Or we may use him in a nice Mousaka.

SOFA exists to:

  • petition against the senseless broadcast of episodes
  • help vulnerable and needy families of addicts
  • setup teams of volunteers to police car boot sales and charity shops that peddle second-hand Friends paraphernalia within easy reach of children
  • work with Amnesty International and The United Nations to stop enforced “Friends” marathons being used as a form of torture
  • provide “boxset amnesty” facilities in major cities, where Friends-related merchandise may be disposed of in a supportive and non-judgmental environment

If you feel that you could contribute financially towards this very worthy cause, please send any monetary donations care-of this website.

It doesn’t matter how small your donation is – you can be assured that every little bit will help someone suffering from this painful and (seemingly) lifelong affliction. For any donation of more than ten pounds you will be sent a special, limited edition DVD recording: edited highlights filmed from the moment we grab Matt LeBlanc on the street and bundle him into our truck right up until the time we dispose of the remains.

Please mark your envelopes clearly: “PLEASE PUNCH DAVID SCHWIMMER VERY HARD IN THE FACE”. When sufficient funds have been collected for Airfare to the USA, SOFA will send their best operatives over to do just that. It is only a small step, but it’ll make us all feel a lot better.

Together … we can stamp this out.

A range of T-shirts, bumper stickers and coasters will be available just as soon as we can find someone who can Photoshop an image depicting Jennifer Anniston on fire. Thank you for writing in, Ms. Jolie – your offer is duly noted.

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posted in Ranting by Oddbloke

 
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